Miranda

[Another turn, another dead end. Miranda felt a wail of despair rising in her throat and swallowed it back, wiping at the tears forming in her eyes. The temporary quarters were confusing at best, and she was terribly late to the meeting already. Backing down the hall a little ways, she knocked on a door and opened it, just a little, hoping to find someone who could give her directions to where she needed to go.]

H-hello?

My brain has been set in neutral if not reverse for the past two weeks making it exceedingly difficult to form coherent thought, much less play. Time to try first gear:

Question Meme for Stephan and Miranda. Ask what you will, and my thanks.

Miranda's banshee cloak and her long skirt have been hacked to pieces and resewn to create 4 old!Pyxis style travel packs. She does not realize that they are the old!Pyxis style. They are pretty sturdy despite the haphazard stitching and should hold a good deal of stuff. She is keeping the skirt pack for herself since it's slightly larger and she has a crapload of clothes to pack in it.

She sewed the hood of the banshee cloak into the Pyxis jacket, and now wears that at all times.

( For the move... )

Miranda will not remember a lot about Mira's life. She'll remember snatches of it as if from a dream, and some of it will eventually translate into Miranda's life in Sabra. The things she will remember:

Memory: Childhood with her family.
Impression: happy, clumsy, laughter, protection, acceptance, love, community.
Strength: weak
Response: "This is family..."

Memory: The old glassblower.
Impression: ;-;, hard work, heat, acceptance, desire to please, desire to help, realization of love, loss.
Strength: strong
Response: A sense of loss. Happiness and sadness rolled into one.

Memory: Traveling with Raven
Impression: Excitement, new beginnings, old beginnings?, movement, trust, curiosity.
Strength: mid
Response: A bit of wander lust, and fondness.


She will also not remember what was going on at the end. She will have a vague memory of "dragon" and a sense of awe at seeing it up close, but beyond that, she has little sense of disaster, only a vague sadness that she couldn't see more of the world.


What she will eventually gain from it? About the only thing it's going to do is emphasize her growing interest in glassmaking. She'll probably start crafting new shapes based on Old Sabra designs, and eventually, she'll start carrying around the glassblowing pipe as long as it doesn't interfere with her chores.

She blinked slowly, coming into some sense of awareness. It was like waking except she hadn't been asleep. Sleep had eluded her for weeks now. This was just a subtle rise to consciousness and the silence in the blackness of the cave. She had come to recognize it as a waking, even though she knew she hadn't slept. She wasn't rested nor was she tired. It was a numbing sensation that wore at the edges of her reality.

Empty inside and cold, she drew her cloak tightly around her shoulders. The world around her was quiet without being silent. Water occasionally dripped somewhere nearby. Tiny feet skittered and disappeared. The darkness was alive, though not with human activity.

Taking a deep breath that she didn't need, she looked down at the hands resting in her lap. She couldn't see them exactly, but she knew they were still attached. She was solid. She was here, but there was no movement when she didn't consciously move. No breath, no heartbeat, no life. She could and did force her lungs to expand, draw in the air to speak, but it wasn't necessary. It was just a semblance of life that she clung to.

Vaguely she wondered how long it had been, how many days. Had she moved past some invisible point where she couldn't feel the deaths or had they really stopped for now? She didn't know, and she felt she needed to. Her throat tightened at the thought. She didn't even know who it had been -- which teams, which friends, not even if it were her own teammates.

Get up.

Her mind whispered the command, but her body refused to answer. Her limbs felt leaden and detached.

Get up!

The darkness echoed with the quiet dripping of water. Tiny claws skittered on the walls. It mocked her, mocked the inability to move, to think, to function. A thin tread of anger coiled in her chest. This was not who she was, not who she wanted to be. It was who she had been. It was what she hated so much, acting like this, running away. This was the person she disliked so much. It boiled up suddenly and overflowed.

"I said get up!" The force of her words sent the cave into a hollow silence. "I am not weak! I am not helpless! I can do things here! I have done things! Even if I can't fight I can protect people! I don't have to be who I was! I am not useless!"

She caught her breath again, eyes wide and blinking in the darkness. "I... I don't want to be that person. I do want to change. I can change here... I can." She drifted into silence again thinking over the other changes -- the other self that she was shown. "I... I don't have to be like that. I-I don't think that's strong. I don't have to stop caring."

Falling silent again, she closed her hands loosely in her lap. As the stillness returned, so did the soft dripping of water. "I... I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to hurt people I care about. I... can be strong and still care. I can..."

She shifted then, looking around in the darkness. Right and left, there was no difference. No tell-tale signs, no glow of cavern or human voice raised from the distance. She didn't know how far she had run before she had stopped. She didn't know from which direction she had come. Slowly, carefully, she pushed herself to her feet, keeping one hand against the wall. She still felt detached, floaty and surreal, but something inside felt like it was working again, thawed from the pain of the deaths.

"I... need to go home..."

She looked over her shoulder into the darkness and then turned to the darkness ahead of her. Her hand rasped lightly against the stone wall of the cave as she started walking.

For my own information, the death toll since Miranda became a banshee and thus able to feel the deaths. Note: she does not know who dies, but she does know that someone dies.

( orz )

Miranda's time in Sabra has taken a severe down turn as of day 169. She's foundering in who she is. She opened a Pandora's box when she started questioning what she wanted to become. All the confidence that she'd built up since arriving crashed down around her as self-doubt began to worm its way into her life. In her mind though, the Mirror game also eroded something even more important -- her position within the team. Miranda's love of her teammates will never disappear, but... she's worried about her actions. She was horrible. She fought with Ikki whom she adores and respects more than anything. She... okay, she was a bitch, and worse, she was a bitch to her teammates whom she loves.

She has not resolved any of her emotional turmoil from the Mirror game. She hasn't felt comfortable speaking to her teammates about it. She hasn't even turned to anyone off team to talk about it. She's been bottling it up super tight, and it's... going to explode or burn her out eventually.

There have been a few other blows to her confidence levels as well.

The first of these was Haunted's game on day 179. She died. To be more specific, she willingly sacrificed herself to protect people. That part, Miranda is A-okay with. Haunted, however, botched her revivals though, and Miranda came back, but she didn't come back to life. Watanuki mentioned it when he talked to her after her revival, however it was Dove's noticing something wrong that really sank all the fears into Miranda. Until Dove noticed, Miranda had not told anyone that she had died in that game.

Being dead scares Miranda horribly, and she doesn't know how to cope with the thought of it. She again doesn't really have many people to turn to on this one. She doesn't want to bring it up to her teammates or to the Exorcists because she doesn't want them to worry about her or to be upset by things. She has spent an increasing number of hours away from Pyxis because of this, and it has severely effected her ability to handle things on a day to day basis. (PS - this may mean that Pyxis laundry hasn't been done in a few days guys.) She's not sleeping, she's not eating. She actively throws herself into things that come up because it's better than thinking about the fact that she's very much dead right now.

Then came day 183 and Miranda learned a new way to hurt and be scared of herself. She felt people die in the Horn/Lovers game. Feeling people "disappear" is actually a canon thing for Miranda. It happens repeatedly when Allen and gang get kidnapped by the Earl into the Arc. Miranda remains connected to the people in the Arc vaguely by the Time Record which is "holding their time" still. However, since she's too exhausted and weak to actually power it, she merely feels as the people disappear from the Time Record. Canonly, this tears Miranda up inside. In Sabra, feeling four entire teams die as a banshee, Miranda is beyond torn up. She's now completely at loose ends with no idea how to pull shit back together.

The final straw came from one of her own teammates. Getting snapped at by Great when she was concerned about his first memory kind of... idek bad place. It's not the first time someone on the team has snapped at her (Blood mostly), but in addition to everything else that's been going on since the Mirror game plus her own two negative significant memories, she really has no idea how to handle things.


Things to have noticed around Pyxis dorm in the last few weeks:
1) Laundry isn't getting done daily anymore -- twice a week is as good as you can hope for.
2) Miranda isn't eating with the team, or even sitting down to meals with them most of the time.
3) Miranda hasn't slept since 179 -- not in an insomnia kind of way, just a doesn't need sleep way.
4) She's not smiling much. When she does, it's a weak smile.
5) She's more nervous and uncomfortable than she has been since she arrive in Sabra.
6) She's been avoiding Pyxis dorm in general a bit.
7) She will probably be avoiding games for a while as best she can in hopes that she won't feel the deaths.



THIS WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT TO WRITE ABOUT! Oops. orz

Any questions?

Because obviously this is more important than sleep...

Rough Pyxis dorm layout



the lighter gray is a second floor, which kind of overhangs part of the kitchen.
the darker gray is the main level
kitchen/living/dining area is a vaulted 2 story area


Edit -- now minus closets o/

If anyone has suggestions or would like to claim a bedroom, let me know.


note to self

( the actual conversation in IRC )


So... quick notes for banshee!Miranda:

1) can sense death and is forced to wail every time
2) her scream can shatter glass (I'm taking this to be not the same as a wail)
3) has a new obsession with combing her hair
4) has an awesome new cloak in Pyxis-red :D

Other things:
-- She is solid, but she is definitely giving off the spiritual pings of GHOSTIE.
-- Watanuki suddenly smells most excellently tasty.


The effects will last until Pyxis can get another judge to actually revive Miranda properly... which is to say, she will probably be like this a Very Long Time. Haha orz.

Lopunny!Miranda

Special Ability
Klutz -- Klutz places Lopunny at a disadvantage by rendering it unable to use held items in battle.

Moves
Return -- A full-power attack that grows more powerful the more the user likes its Trainer. Return inflicts damage and has no secondary effect. The base power of Return is dependent on the Happiness of the user. The greater the user's Happiness, the greater the base power. The base power can be calculated using the following formula:

Base Power = Happiness / 2.5

The base power of Return varies between 0 (minimum Happiness) and 102 (maximum Happiness).

Protect -- Protects the user from all effects of moves that target it during the turn it is used, including damage. This does not include damage afflicted by weather conditions it is susceptible to, or damage from status ailment that it obtained on a previous turn. Using Protect, Detect, or Endure consecutively decreases the chance of success by 50% each use, whether it is successful or not. Protect cannot prevent the effects of Perish Song.

Defense Curl -- Defense Curl increases the user's Defense by 1 level.

Endure -- Endure allows the user to survive any attack that would cause it to faint, leaving the user with 1 HP.



Lucario!Stephan

Special Ability
Steadfast -- Steadfast increases the user's Speed stat by 1.5× when flinched. Raises Speed each time the Pokémon flinches.

Moves
Close Combat -- Close Combat inflicts damage and then lowers the user's Defense stat and Special Defense stat by one stage each. The user fights the foe in close without guarding itself. It also cuts the user's Defense and Sp. Def.

Force Palm -- The foe is attacked with a shock wave. It may also leave the target paralyzed. Force Palm inflicts damage and has a 30% chance of paralyzing the target. Long or short ranged attack

Metal Claw -- Metal Claw deals damage and has a 10% chance of raising the user's Attack stat by one level. The foe is raked with steel claws. It may also raise the user's Attack stat.

Extreme Speed -- The user charges the foe at blinding speed. This attack always goes before any other move. ExtremeSpeed inflicts damage, and is an increased priority move. If the target does not use an increased priority move during the round that it is used, ExtremeSpeed will go first regardless of the user's or target's speed.

The short: Completely shaken; slightly broken.



The long:

Since arriving in Sabra, Miranda has slowly been developing the desire to become someone strong, confident, and to be a help to her teammates. She very much wants to not be the sad, lonely, and useless person that she remembers being in most of her memories. She realizes that who she is right now is very different from that person, and she is very grateful for that change. However, she also believes that it isn't enough. She's still nervous. She's still weak and second guesses herself. She's still clumsy and messes things up for her team a lot. She's happy with the progress that she's made in Sabra, but she isn't satisfied by any means. She wants to be confident, in control of her emotions, strong for her teammates, and self possessed, not clumsy. Basically, with the exception of not caring for her teammates, she got from this game exactly what she thought she wanted to be.

And she was horrified by herself.

In all honesty, the person she thought she wanted to be scares her now. She's scared of what she did, she hates that she argued with Ikki without listening to his opinions, she can't believe that she would ever hit someone simply out of annoyance. Now she's wondering if that really is the better direction, if stronger really is better in this case. She got what she wanted, but does sacrificing her affection and love and concern for her friends come with that? Is that the price she would have to pay to be "strong"? Is that a price she would be willing to pay?

In a small, dark part of her heart, she wants to answer "yes". There were parts of that other personality that she truly loved. She loved being able to confidently state her decisions and stand firm behind them. She enjoyed feeling as though she could accomplish any task that was given her with ease and grace. She liked not being constantly afraid or worried about messing things up. That little piece of her whispers that maybe it wouldn't have been so bad in the end. Maybe if the game had gone on longer, then she wouldn't have felt so apathetic towards her teammates, and maybe as others got used to her, she wouldn't have needed to strike out violently against people because they would understand that this way was better.

Miranda truly hates what happened in this game and is going to severely quash any whisper from that darker part of her heart. It is not going to disappear though. This is the first time in Sabra that a negative influence has stained the purity of her heart. It is the first real stain because it's something she wanted desperately. The vision of the person she wanted to become, she now fears; while at the same time, she hates desperately the person she once was. She's very much caught in between two unacceptable extremes and she doesn't know what to do with herself right now or how she will be able to resolve the matter. There is a good bit of anger and disappointment with herself, and she's scared of how people will see her after this -- especially her teammates. She can't, however, simply pretend it never happened. That's going to be something she'll have to take time to work though.

Really, my record keeping should be pretty well known by now -_-;;; If anyone can help me make this list a little more accurate, I would greatly appreciate it.

Judge descriptions can be found here!

( Judges!!! )

Unknown players
?

Again, mostly for my own information because this was handwaved off-screen.

Miranda went with River to the Pillar the night of 146 to visit Peter and Sally... mostly Peter. She went at night because that's when everyone else is asleep and she wouldn't have to explain her disappearance. Plus she wanted to be back in time to make breakfast for Pyxis. The goal of this being to make sure no one noticed that she was missing at all.


Things to note from her visit:
1) she didn't talk much going or coming.
2) if River asked, she went at night because she had to be back in time to fix breakfast for her team.
3) she started crying silently when she saw the pillar and spent quite a while kneeling in front of Peter......... and really, that's about it. she'd have left when River said it was time to go.

On River's end, he:
- River stopped by a few people
- possibly gave her a hug


Reasons for the trip:
She needed to see Peter to mourn. Miranda was told simply to get back to the dorm when Blood realized Peter was missing... and probably not just lost in the caves. She was treated very much like a child, but she didn't want to upset Blood anymore, so she went back without a word. A day or so later, Ikki also went to the Pillar, and Dove, Blood, and Ikki were able to mourn for him. For Miranda though, she felt like she wasn't a part of the mourning because everyone was so distraught and she was trying to hold things together, to keep food on the table, to keep the dorm clean, to keep the clothes clean, to be there if they needed her for anything. Basically, she was trying to be in a strong position which stresses her out very badly.

She went to see the Pillar finally when they were a full team again. The coming of Justice and Sis helped relieve a lot of her stress and fear, but she really wanted to see the end and say good-bye and let Peter know she would be waiting for him. It was one of the few incredibly selfish things she's done in Sabra. She has no intention of telling her teammates that she's ever been to the Pillar.


Results of this trip:
After she makes breakfast on the 147th, she's going to fall asleep in the Pyxis common area, and quite probably will sleep until the next morning. This is catch up for her since she hasn't slept in 9 days. She will be fully recovered by the morning of the 148th, and will return to her normal schedule... plus sleeping at night again.


If anyone has questions, please feel free to ask.

Random artifacts of data collected and stored for the progress of this process o/

( Plant compendium and bestiary information of Sabra... etc )

( cuts are kind )

Fail though she may be, Miranda is slowly acquiring a set of useful skills and knowledge about Sabra. (Most of this learned from people not on her team wryyyyyyyy) This post is to keep a record of it for my own memory and use.



- Tea making: actually one of the things she's pretty decent at. Taught by: Peter and Dove
- Cooking: nothing she makes turns out quite right, and occasionally things are completely destroyed, especially if she's trying something new, but for the most part, she can at least make an edible meal to feed the team now. Taught by: Peter and Howard Link
- Laundry: thankfully, most of the Sabra clothing seems to be pretty durable. She may have some issues with more delicate things (sorry Aeon, she'll try her best) Taught by: probably Peter/self-taught

- Basket weaving: she will never EVER make a basket that isn't horribly ugly or deformed, but they will be useful if not pretty. Taught by: Allen and Chaz
- Medicines: she will be most careful and most nervous about doing much of anything beyond basics with this skill for a long time, but it's something she's really determined to learn to help her teammates. First aid, she will probably remain bad at, but preparing the medicines will have some hope. Taught by: Kaito and Allen
- Pottery: well... nominally anyway. The clay pots she makes are... fugly. That's being nice about it. They are fired, and they're good enough to hold plants, but this is not something that she's going to improve upon to make anything pretty or otherwise functional. She wanted flowers outside of Pyxis, so she made them. Taught by: self-taught
- Glass: this... is something Miranda has pretty well claimed as her own. She's not incredibly creative with it or very good with it, but she's persistent and determined and works really hard at it. She does not mind the screw ups since glass can be remelted. She is going to spend a lot of her time doing this. Taught by: River

HI DISTRACT ME!!

It goes LIKE SO. You comment here and ASK A QUESTION. It can be anything - OOC, IC, relationship, psychology, thoughts, whatever. I.E. my character's opinion of your character, or maybe some specific behavior you've been wondering about, or general thoughts on my characters or canons, my favorite color or variety of ice cream, etc.

WHEN I REPLY I will also ask you a question in turn!

In this way we talk at each other, which is fun

That's for Miranda and Stephan. o/

In Miranda's clothes chest:

- 3 skirted tunic (generic blankwear)
- 3 pair of leggings (generic blankwear)

- 3 button down short sleeved blouses (Pyxis-wear, won 1 set day 186)
- 1 badly burned button down short sleeved blouse (Pyxis-wear flamed 183)
- 3 pleated skirts (Pyxis-wear, won 1 set day 186)
- 1 badly burned pleated skirt (Pyxis-wear flamed 183)
- 1 jacket (Pyxis-wear)
- 3 pairs of knee high socks (Pyxis-wear)
- 3 pairs of fingerless gloves (Pyxis-wear)

- 2 pairs of panties (won day 88)
- 2 bras (won day 88)
- 1 pair of leather pants (won day 88)
- 1 long skirt (won day 88)
- 1 simple light top (won day 88)
- 1 leather jerkin (won day 88)
- 1 cloak ("won" day 179)

Stored next to the clothes chest:

- 1 pair of sandals (generic blankwear)

- 1 pair of boots (Pyxis-wear)
- 1 pair of leather boots (won day 88)

Other items stored in her room:

- brass message tube
- serrated edged knife
- Photo album, containing: (game 76, day 113)
----- Pyxis family portrait: Tavi, Ikki, Peter, Dove, Miranda, Blood
----- Cygnus family portrait: Charlie, Tsuna, Kohaku, Revan, Cloud-cardboard-cutout-with-hat-on
----- Tavi and Ikki back from the hunt with lizards
----- Blood and Dove hanging out in the kitchen
----- Blood and Ikki being Blood and Ikki (minus a lot of punching, which is a little odd, but still)
----- Peter and Dove (cooking up a recipe for bacon)
----- Tavi being Tavi (aka: ZEN LEADER!!!!11!1!)
----- Peter (standing on the wall perpendicular to Ikki)
----- Self-photo-ish of Dove, Miranda, and Blood showing off the Pyxis tats (Blood: upper arm; Dove: forearm; Miranda: lower back)
----- Red sitting outside Cepheus with a not safe smile :x
----- Howard Link cooking for Delphinus
- laundry basket ("won" day 117)
- Red's headband .///. (day 117)
- Medicinal notes from Allen (day 143, lulz)
- Recipes from Watanuki (day 163)
- Time Record (solo mission day 168?)

- Untaken memories:
Berries: 0
Other: 0


Things acquired on her person:

- 1 Pyxis tattoo on her lower back /)///(\;; (game day 105)


Temporary things:
- Bar of chocolate




Note: Details on Pyxis-wear can be found here acquired day 155/156

Neutral-Significant:
Releasing the Time for the first time / Allen telling her it's okay from chapter 26 pages 06-11

Summary:
Miranda is using the Innocence from the clock to reverse the effects of time on herself, Allen, and Lenalee to take away the injuries from their fight with Rhode. She realizes that if she releases the power of the Innocence the rewound time will be returned and all of their injuries will come back to them. This really upsets her because taking the time in the first place was the first time that anyone had ever acknowledged her as doing something useful, and this is very important to her. She doesn't want it to be made useless again because the injuries return so even though it's hurting her because of the unstable connection, she refuses to release it. Allen comforts her and tells her to release the time because he and Lenalee are still alive, and that as long as he's able to recover and live, he can bear his own injuries. Miranda releases the Innocence, which reverts back into a clock, and then races downstairs to the manager's office to have him call a doctor for Allen and Lenalee.

What she learned:
- She remembers Allen, his name, and that there was another girl with them, who was his companion.
- She knows that she has the ability to rewind time, which puts an immense amount of strain on her body and mind.
- She knows that whenever she releases that ability any injuries that they acquired will return.
- She knows that Allen was the first to tell her "Thank you." in her world, but she does not actually remember that occurrence.
- She remembers small flashes of Allen and the other girl from when they were injured, but not how or why.
- She's learned that she lives in a small apartment by herself and knows the layout of the building.
- She knows who the apartment manager was.
- She also knows that whatever injuries she was shielding Allen and the girl from were where her hands were injured.
- She knows how to release her abilities, but not how they work or why. She does not know how to invoke them or how to control them.
- She knows that Allen was severely injured at the time, including that his eye was stabbed out. She knows that the girl was unconscious, but not why.
- She now knows that Miranda is in fact her name. (Not that she doesn't trust Allen and the others, but it is nice to have it confirmed in her own memory.)

What it means:
Miranda is incredibly confused. There was a lot of pain in this memory and being upset and afraid, but Allen's being comforting and supportive of her helped ease that back from what could easily have been a Negative event. She very much does not understand what's going on in the memory. She has no idea what Innocence is or why the others were so injured. Overall, this is a very informative, but upsetting memory if only because she doesn't understand most of it. Once she has had a chance to sit down with Allen, Rabi, and/or Link to discuss what was going on, she will calm down about it a little, and hopefully they'll be able to explain some more about Innocence. She will likely remain nervous about her ability since this memory of using it involves pain for her and doesn't seem to have been very successful since Allen and the girl ended up injured in the end anyway and she can't remember what caused the injuries in the first place.

She will have picked up a much stronger sense of not wanting to kill others in the games, and will be more likely to push for severe injuries over death, even if death is the least permanent part of the game. This stemming from Allen's assurances that "As long as I live, I'll be able to recover."

(possibly more will come here as she's able to discuss it with the others)

Okay, some things bother me about Miranda's story, and while I probably don't need to, I am going to ramble about them for a bit, because I want to. \o/ fail.

( RAHR CANON RAHR )

And since I really did want to essay, but lost my train of thought, here:

It goes LIKE SO. You comment here and ASK A QUESTION. It can be anything - OOC, IC, relationship, psychology, thoughts, whatever. I.E. my character's opinion of your character, or maybe some specific behavior you've been wondering about, or general thoughts on my characters or canons, who I might consider raping you into apping, my favorite color or variety of ice cream, etc.

WHEN I REPLY I will also ask you a question in turn!

In this way we talk at each other, which is fun.